So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
