NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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