i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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