That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Ladies don't puke and tell
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
