...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
