i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Its about making memories worth repressing
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
