i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
