there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
this boner is exhausting
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
