there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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