Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
