Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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