I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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