Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I touched a dick in church today
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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