i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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