It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Randomize
