WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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