i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize