the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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