so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
