What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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