Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
