I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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