I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
