I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
