I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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