I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
