dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
