FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
