but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
