what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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