I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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