dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
