U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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