That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
