mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
