Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
