Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
