Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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