I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
