I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
