I didn't shave. On purpose
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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