It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
