So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
