yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
high people should be assigned attendants
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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