I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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