Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
