to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
