My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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