i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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