He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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