So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
