We're like a lot better than the average bears
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
