in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
