I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
