and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
