I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
