I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
