Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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