Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
