My liver just broke up with me...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
accomplished twins. life is a go
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
