Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
