She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
