They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize