A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
