So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
