Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
