Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
