I queefed so loud it echoed.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
