Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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