i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I pour the whiskey from now on
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
