Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Are my feet made of real feet?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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