So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
