her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
