careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
