Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
