Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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