Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
