Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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