Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
