absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
