you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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