I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
