I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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