We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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