just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
