Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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