I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
