32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
