his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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