My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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