12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
