The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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