3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You're my little dorito
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
should my penis look like a turkey
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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