Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
