My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
