apparently the secret to your success is patron
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
