The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
