He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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